i hate myself today.

i said something i shouldn't tell anybody about it and it should feel relieved but instead my palm is hurt and even more my heart...and i hate this.

*sigh*
jangan pernah kau ulangi lagi itu nak..simpan saja sendiri..disguise your inner feeling and nobody would hurt u

mengalah saja, pergi jauh bawa berlari semua yang kau rasa, menangislah di tengah ombak, berteriaklah di keramaian dan diamlah di tengah keheningan..

sampai satu-satunya yang kau dengar hanyalah detak jantungmu sendiri.

saat itu, engkau HIDUP.

kenapa harus aku yang selalu mengalah....*sigh*....




tetapi mungkin bukan itu kalimat yang pas. lebih tepatnya...aku memang harus mengalah...

Ya Tuhan..topanglah aku dalam naungan kasihMu...

hey!

it's been a while..kinda busy with stuff u know..work and fun and everything! :) hmm..sekarang lumayan ada waktu lega (actually i can't sleep that's why..) and remembered some days ago i added my 'new friend' and it seemed that he's newbie in this fake world..to make it quick, somehow i know his blog (tanya kenapa?) and it's quite simple with just some archives there...something that impress me wasn't the layout or css sort of stuff..but every single words he wrote.

i met him in real..well almost 1 month we had to work together for some projects,he's kind of quite guy with lovely eyes n lips,pretty tall and charming smile, but that's not the point. he's sort of hide something from the way he look, and he always shows a cheerful face with soft tone, very lovely indeed.. and then i find out that he's very original when it comes to writing...

and that's torturing me. all the words there show the humbleness of who he is,despite of everything he already achieved, and it's very clear in the air..
contrary with a friend of mine who always had a 'competition' with this little girl who very corky in everything..it adds so much layers in my life.

and suddenly i was sad..thinking of everything..u see my time here is only 15 days ahead and i should go to other isolated part of this world and come back here again on july ( u promise,right?)...such a long journey i already have ^^

well..for my new friend..thank u for being an inspiration although u never know that but u strengthen my beliefs on everything that the most precious thing is SIMPLICITY.

empire state of mind!

hhfttt... >.<

i feel mixed..and tired at the same time..u see,i feel empty and i need help..but i can't say that..semua hanya kupendam..i hate to wear the mask, but i have to
i like icons, seperti berguna untuk menutupi perasaan yang sebenarnya..especially when i talked through the air and the cables and the wireless..

rasanya pengen tenggelam dan di saat bersamaan ride the waves..aku rindu laut,aku rindu pantai dan segala sesuatu di atasnya..aku rindu menuliskan segala kepedihanku dan meninggalkan ombak menghapusnya..aku rindu melihat matahari hilang ditelan malam dan felt that lucky to witness it..

dan memang benar, segala sesuatu yang datang dari hati..akan sampai juga ke hati.

I can feel you
in the rising tide
Can you feel me
by the fire side?

For the moonlight
Through the cherry trees
Open the roof
and take in the view
cause you're my sweetest dream
come true

You're my sweetest dream
come true

Color the dusk deep navy blue
and try to be brave
cause I'll be right beside you
There's a world so high

Hold out your hands
and you can go anywhere
so reach for the stars
cause I'll be waiting up there
and you can finally fly
cause you'll be lighter than air

hmmm....seseorang pernah bilang "andai bisa seperti dalam film what women want" hehehe tapi kupikir you did baby..(mungkin karena berpengalaman dengan women?ahaks...) ^^
but this is really true opinion of mine..u actually did something quite romantic with ur sense (of music)

very mature yet romantic at the same time..nothing more to expect :)

like ur fave song :

And if I told you that I loved you
You'd maybe think there's something wrong
I'm not a man of too many faces
The mask I wear is one  

hmm..i feel relieved today...somehow like the burdens were lift up and it feels very good! and rite now i'm enjoying apple-cinnamon croissant and a cup of tea..kenikmatan hidup dalam hal yang sederhana :)

tapi sekarang mataku lagi iritasi (aaaghhh padahal pengen melewatkan sehari dengan sehat!) mungkin karena pasir tebal (kayak kuarsa gitu) dan radiasi screen jadi ya gitu...maybe i need to sleep early today :)


**terima kasih untuk hari ini ya...termasuk untukmu sayang :)

Sonhando acordada lembrava
Do que então seria
Estar com você por um dia
Ou pra sempre... uhum

Pensava que então esse dia
Viria pra sempre
Pois quando canto, canto sem parar
E tudo vira canção

Dun, dun, dun
É o meu amor, é o meu amor
Eu só quero cantar pra você
Dun, dun, dun
Não sei bem porque
Me leva você
Este som
Essa canção de amor

Sonhando acordada lembrava
Do que então seria
Estar com você por um dia
Ou pra sempre... uhum

Sabia no fundo que esse dia
Era pra sempre
E sempre vou cantar
Esta canção
Ti por amor

Dun, dun dun
Não sei bem porque
É o meu amor
E este som me leva a você
Cucocucocuco
Não sei bem porque
Me leva você
Este som
Esta canção de amor

Cucocucocuco
É o meu amor, é o meu amor
E este som me leva a você
Dun, dun dun
É o meu amor
Este som, esta canção
Um cheiro de amor

** my fave song! ;)

I was all right for a while,
I could smile for a while.
But I saw you last night;

You held my hand so tight
when you stopped to say hello.
Oh, you wished me well,
you couldn't tell
that I'd been crying over you,
crying over you.

And you said so long,
left me standing all alone.
Alone and crying
Crying
It's hard to understand
But the touch of your hand
Can start me crying

I thought that I was over you
But it's true, so true
I love you even more
Than I did before
But darling, what can I do?
For you don't love me
And I'll always be
Crying over you

Yes, now you're gone
And from this moment on
I'll be crying
crying
over you.

**(not literal) translation of Llorando (por tu amor)

Dalam bukunya yang berjudul Laugh Again (Tertawa Lagi), Charles Swindoll menuliskan tiga hal yang sering menjadi "pencuri sukacita", yakni kekhawatiran, tekanan batin, dan ketakutan.

Ia mendefinisikan kekhawatiran sebagai "kegelisahan yang berlebihan akan suatu hal yang mungkin terjadi atau mungkin tidak terjadi". (Dan biasanya tidak terjadi.) Tekanan batin diartikan sebagai "ketegangan yang berlebihan terhadap situasi yang tidak dapat kita ubah atau kontrol". (Padahal Allah mampu.) Dan ketakutan, menurut Swindoll, adalah "kecemasan yang sangat terhadap bahaya, kejahatan, atau penderitaan". (Dan hal itu hanya akan memperbesar masalah kita.)

Swindoll mengatakan bahwa untuk membentengi diri dari "pencuri sukacita", kita harus memiliki keyakinan yang sama seperti yang dikatakan Paulus dalam suratnya kepada jemaat Filipi. Setelah mengucap syukur atas jemaat Filipi (1:3-5), ia menyakinkan mereka bahwa "Ia, yang memulai pekerjaan yang baik di antara kamu, akan meneruskannya sampai pada akhirnya" (ayat 6).

Apa pun yang membuat Anda khawatir, tertekan, dan ketakutan, tidak dapat menghalangi Allah untuk terus bekerja dalam hidup Anda. Kita dapat hidup dengan keyakinan bahwa Dia mengatur segalanya. Kita dapat memasrahkan segalanya kepada-Nya.

** ada yang mengirimnya kepadaku..then how come u know i was worried and stress and frightened? Thank You Lord..

hmm...not bad hari ini...semoga tetap bertahan *semangat!*..untunglah blog ini ga dipublikasikan, kalo ga ya malu-maluin isinya kok sakit aja bleh :/
mau nulis yang riang-riang ya boong banget wong keadaannya ga riang...meriang sih iya hehehe...untunglah sekarang bisa leha-leha ngerjain css framework (leha-leha??beh!)...hahaha..jadi ingat masa-masa thesis dulu duhh..kangen masa itu..betapa enaknya belajar sesuatu yang baru tiap hari..

buat yang nanya gimana agar toko onlinenya rame pengunjung? use your brain ehh salah...pake clickstream analysis dunk ah! itu bisa dipake di front end untuk kegiatan CRM, bahasa gampangnya lihat fitur Your recent history atau Most Viewed/Most Selling atau mau yang lebih familiar lagi? buka iTunes itu ada Recently played,Top 25 Most Played dan bla bla bla..dalam manajemen dikenal sebagai behavioural studies (tanya kenapa?) ^^

kalo dari sisi back end sih biasanya untuk capacity planning sort of like that..intinya adalah mengambil elemen tingkah laku pengunjung dalam pola navigasi, frekuensi akses dan waktu akses..yah contohnya itu stats or counter..sekian dari saya kekeke :P
ya intinya begitulah..behavioural studies diperlukan saat kita berhadapan dengan namanya customer..keterangan selanjutnya silahkan pelajari sendiri ya! (untung ini bukan fb, kalo ga udah kutag aja postingan ini kekekeke..)

dah ah kuliahnya..semoga bermanfaat..ibu mau lanjutin selingkuh ehh...framing :D

She'll let you in her house
If you come knockin' late at night
She'll let you in her mouth
If the words you say are right
If you pay the price
She'll let you deep inside
But there's a secret garden she hides

She'll let you in her car
To go drivin' 'round
She'll let you into the parts of herself
That'll bring you down
She'll let you in her heart
If you got a hammer and a vise
But into her secret garden, don't think twice

You've gone a million miles
How far'd you get
To that place where you can't remember
And you can't forget

She'll lead you down a path
There'll be tenderness in the air
She'll let you come just far enough
So you know she's really there
Then she'll look at you and smile
And her eyes will say
She's got a secret garden
Where everything you want
Where everything you need
Will always stay
A million miles away

kenapa tiap hari harus gelisah dan berdebar-debar ya..mana kadang tangan kananku rasanya kebas..a bit worried about it but well..c'est la vie :)
setiap hari harus berpikir positif otherwise i'll be destroyed in second!

dokter bilang "don't think too much".."oh well Mr Doc i can't control my mind..panca inderaku bekerja sempurna lalu bagaimana mungkin saya disuruh jangan berpikir? apa dokter yang mau nyelesein coding po he? kalo mau sok atuh xixixixi..oh iya tak kandani yo pak dokter,bapak pake bb to ya..mbok iku install blackberry plugins for eclipse..kalo bisa aku dikasih filenya ya!tapi ojo downgrade ke eclipse 3.5!!" *andai bisa ngember gitu sama Mr Doc*

aku suka quote ini : JANGANLAH TERLALU SERING MELEPAS ENERGI NEGATIF KE SEKITAR ANDA KARENA ITU AKAN MEMBUAT ORANG DI SEKITAR ANDA KECAPEKAN MENETRALISIRNYA

jadi banyaklah tersenyum walau waktumu berjalan melindasmu ^^

1 hal dalam pikiranku sekarang : JAVA ROCKIN`LAND presented ARKARNA and THE SMASHING PUMPKINS!

sometimes i wonder why people talk harsh thing to other; in the way they express their feeling, maybe they don't realise how it affect someone's heart..whether it's broken or tear apart..
and then someday like today i sit down..trying to capture in my mind..is it me saying bad things? is it me make the other sad and mad? and thousand of is it me...?

so i stand up and start walking toward the sun...as the wind go by, i let my tears dry away.somehow i realise,the only thing left is just me and my shadow.

AND IN THE ABSENCE OF LIGHT, DARK WILL GUIDE..

i feel much better today (energi ekstra dari kue ultah??) hehehe..

"dan rasakan semua bintang memanggil tawamu terbang ke atas...tinggalkan semua hanya kita dan bintang..yang terindah meski terlupa..."


**..mereka-reka hanya aku dan bintang

and then I ask You:

Bapa..kapan waktuku untuk pulang ke rumahMu?


and I miss You



and I need You..

Happy Birthday My Beloved You..

"when life defies you, I will be the soul.."

kenapa kalo sakit harus selalu kuat?

kenapa dalam keramaian sebenarnya adalah kesunyian yang abadi?

walau dibawa berlari...


yang tersisa hanya kepasrahan dan bisikan


Kuatkanlah aku...Bapa.

type here: so many to say and so many cant come out.

type here: do u ever feel tired baby..for comforting other people?

type here: i think im complained too much to u without even think whether u liked it or not..i am sorry

type here: u already sign out so i can write anything that will dissapear when u online

type here: aku suka saat2 kita berkelahi,actually i missed that moment.it feels alive and real.bukan berarti pengen berkelahi lho ya..just dont hesitate being the real u.

type here: somehow,u never left my mind.

type here: have a peaceful day ....

cap jempol disini !! :D

7 "UP" WORDS :

1. WAKE UP (bangun).
Tdk peduli berapa kali kita gagal, tp jika kita lbh banyak bangun & memulai lagi, kita akan sukses.

2. DRESS UP (berhias).
Kecantikan dr dlm jauh lebih penting drpd sekedar hiasan luar yg sementara. Miliki mentalitas berkelimpahan, hasil dr suatu harga diri & rasa aman yg dalam. Ini akan menghasilkan kesediaan utk berbagi pernghormatan, keuntungan, dan tanggung jawab.

3. SHUT UP (berhenti bicara).
Berhentilah bicara ttg kesuksesan masa lalu, sdh saatnya fokus'kan diri utk kesuksesan masa depan.

4. STAND UP (berdiri).
Berdirilah teguh pd keyakinan awal bahwa kita pasti berhasil.

5. LOOK UP (pandanglah).
Saat peresmian Disney Land, seorg wartawan bertanya pada istri almarhum Walt Disney "bagaimana perasaan bapak kalo lihat impian'nya telah jadi kenyataan dgn dibuka'nya Disney Land ini?" Istri Walt Disney menjawab "Ia telah melihat ini semua terjadi jauh sebelum proyek ini terbentuk". Lihatlah semua impian kita dalam imajinasi kita seakan2 semuanya telah terjadi.

6. REACH UP (Capailah).
Capailah sesuatu yg lebih tinggi dr prestasi sebelumnya krn itu menandakan bahwa kita memang bertumbuh.

7. LIFT UP (Naikkan). Naikkan semua impian kita dlm bentuk doa ucapan syukur seakan2 semua telah terjadi...

As much as I definitely enjoy solitude
I wouldn't mind, perhaps
spending little time with you
sometimes, sometimes

Possibly maybe probably love

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

wrote this because i hardly remember lil things now : dcmb/f

as a matter of fact, comfy.
what word better than that? :)

The stars lean down to kiss you,
And I lie awake I miss you,
Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere.
Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly,
But I'll miss your arms around me
I'll send a postcard to you dear,
Cause I wish you were here.

I'll watch the night turn light blue,
But it's not the same without you,
Because it takes two to whisper quietly,
The silence isn't so bad,
Till I look at my hands and feel sad,
Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly.

I'll find repose in new ways,
Though I haven't slept in two days,
Cause cold nostalgia chills me to the bone.
But drenched in Vanilla twilight,
I'll sit on the front porch all night,
Waist deep in thought because when I think of you.
I don't feel so alone.
I don't feel so alone.
I don't feel so alone.

As many times as I blink I'll think of you... tonight.
I'll think of you tonight.

When violet eyes get brighter,
And heavy wings grow lighter,
I'll taste the sky and feel alive again.
And I'll forget the world that I knew,
But I swear I won't forget you,
Oh if my voice could reach back through the past,
I'd whisper in your ear,
Oh darling I wish you were here..