really rough week ahead..
im kinda fucked up with all these things..oh well...i need a distraction a bit..jump and start to fly (again)...
my body's hurt, so do my brain..but i think what i feel is the worst part of all..
and as usual..c'est la vie..life goes on and i'm on stage, ready to play..

until the curtain rises up..i'll be waiting in desperate.
and nervous
and tormented
and torn

APART.

Aleluia,aleluia ao Senhor poderoso-(bis)

Aleluia,santo,santo é o Senhor poderoso.

Digno de louvor,digno de louvor

Tu és santo,santo é o Senhor poderoso

Digno de louvor,digno de louvor.Amém.

Kowé iku padhanging jagat . . . Semono uga padhangmu kudu sumunar ana ing ngareping wong, supaya wong sumurup panggawému sing becik, banjur mulyakaké Ramamu kang ana ing swarga.

Ya Tuhan,

ku serahkan jiwaku kepadaMu...dan peganglah tanganku selalu
agar aku kuat menjalani hidupku


dalam suka



dalam duka

AMEN

i hate myself today.

i said something i shouldn't tell anybody about it and it should feel relieved but instead my palm is hurt and even more my heart...and i hate this.

*sigh*
jangan pernah kau ulangi lagi itu nak..simpan saja sendiri..disguise your inner feeling and nobody would hurt u

mengalah saja, pergi jauh bawa berlari semua yang kau rasa, menangislah di tengah ombak, berteriaklah di keramaian dan diamlah di tengah keheningan..

sampai satu-satunya yang kau dengar hanyalah detak jantungmu sendiri.

saat itu, engkau HIDUP.

kenapa harus aku yang selalu mengalah....*sigh*....




tetapi mungkin bukan itu kalimat yang pas. lebih tepatnya...aku memang harus mengalah...

Ya Tuhan..topanglah aku dalam naungan kasihMu...

hey!

it's been a while..kinda busy with stuff u know..work and fun and everything! :) hmm..sekarang lumayan ada waktu lega (actually i can't sleep that's why..) and remembered some days ago i added my 'new friend' and it seemed that he's newbie in this fake world..to make it quick, somehow i know his blog (tanya kenapa?) and it's quite simple with just some archives there...something that impress me wasn't the layout or css sort of stuff..but every single words he wrote.

i met him in real..well almost 1 month we had to work together for some projects,he's kind of quite guy with lovely eyes n lips,pretty tall and charming smile, but that's not the point. he's sort of hide something from the way he look, and he always shows a cheerful face with soft tone, very lovely indeed.. and then i find out that he's very original when it comes to writing...

and that's torturing me. all the words there show the humbleness of who he is,despite of everything he already achieved, and it's very clear in the air..
contrary with a friend of mine who always had a 'competition' with this little girl who very corky in everything..it adds so much layers in my life.

and suddenly i was sad..thinking of everything..u see my time here is only 15 days ahead and i should go to other isolated part of this world and come back here again on july ( u promise,right?)...such a long journey i already have ^^

well..for my new friend..thank u for being an inspiration although u never know that but u strengthen my beliefs on everything that the most precious thing is SIMPLICITY.

hhfttt... >.<

i feel mixed..and tired at the same time..u see,i feel empty and i need help..but i can't say that..semua hanya kupendam..i hate to wear the mask, but i have to
i like icons, seperti berguna untuk menutupi perasaan yang sebenarnya..especially when i talked through the air and the cables and the wireless..

rasanya pengen tenggelam dan di saat bersamaan ride the waves..aku rindu laut,aku rindu pantai dan segala sesuatu di atasnya..aku rindu menuliskan segala kepedihanku dan meninggalkan ombak menghapusnya..aku rindu melihat matahari hilang ditelan malam dan felt that lucky to witness it..

dan memang benar, segala sesuatu yang datang dari hati..akan sampai juga ke hati.

hmm..i feel relieved today...somehow like the burdens were lift up and it feels very good! and rite now i'm enjoying apple-cinnamon croissant and a cup of tea..kenikmatan hidup dalam hal yang sederhana :)

tapi sekarang mataku lagi iritasi (aaaghhh padahal pengen melewatkan sehari dengan sehat!) mungkin karena pasir tebal (kayak kuarsa gitu) dan radiasi screen jadi ya gitu...maybe i need to sleep early today :)


**terima kasih untuk hari ini ya...termasuk untukmu sayang :)

Dalam bukunya yang berjudul Laugh Again (Tertawa Lagi), Charles Swindoll menuliskan tiga hal yang sering menjadi "pencuri sukacita", yakni kekhawatiran, tekanan batin, dan ketakutan.

Ia mendefinisikan kekhawatiran sebagai "kegelisahan yang berlebihan akan suatu hal yang mungkin terjadi atau mungkin tidak terjadi". (Dan biasanya tidak terjadi.) Tekanan batin diartikan sebagai "ketegangan yang berlebihan terhadap situasi yang tidak dapat kita ubah atau kontrol". (Padahal Allah mampu.) Dan ketakutan, menurut Swindoll, adalah "kecemasan yang sangat terhadap bahaya, kejahatan, atau penderitaan". (Dan hal itu hanya akan memperbesar masalah kita.)

Swindoll mengatakan bahwa untuk membentengi diri dari "pencuri sukacita", kita harus memiliki keyakinan yang sama seperti yang dikatakan Paulus dalam suratnya kepada jemaat Filipi. Setelah mengucap syukur atas jemaat Filipi (1:3-5), ia menyakinkan mereka bahwa "Ia, yang memulai pekerjaan yang baik di antara kamu, akan meneruskannya sampai pada akhirnya" (ayat 6).

Apa pun yang membuat Anda khawatir, tertekan, dan ketakutan, tidak dapat menghalangi Allah untuk terus bekerja dalam hidup Anda. Kita dapat hidup dengan keyakinan bahwa Dia mengatur segalanya. Kita dapat memasrahkan segalanya kepada-Nya.

** ada yang mengirimnya kepadaku..then how come u know i was worried and stress and frightened? Thank You Lord..

sometimes i wonder why people talk harsh thing to other; in the way they express their feeling, maybe they don't realise how it affect someone's heart..whether it's broken or tear apart..
and then someday like today i sit down..trying to capture in my mind..is it me saying bad things? is it me make the other sad and mad? and thousand of is it me...?

so i stand up and start walking toward the sun...as the wind go by, i let my tears dry away.somehow i realise,the only thing left is just me and my shadow.

AND IN THE ABSENCE OF LIGHT, DARK WILL GUIDE..

i feel much better today (energi ekstra dari kue ultah??) hehehe..

"dan rasakan semua bintang memanggil tawamu terbang ke atas...tinggalkan semua hanya kita dan bintang..yang terindah meski terlupa..."


**..mereka-reka hanya aku dan bintang

and then I ask You:

Bapa..kapan waktuku untuk pulang ke rumahMu?


and I miss You



and I need You..

kenapa kalo sakit harus selalu kuat?

kenapa dalam keramaian sebenarnya adalah kesunyian yang abadi?

walau dibawa berlari...


yang tersisa hanya kepasrahan dan bisikan


Kuatkanlah aku...Bapa.

type here: so many to say and so many cant come out.

type here: do u ever feel tired baby..for comforting other people?

type here: i think im complained too much to u without even think whether u liked it or not..i am sorry

type here: u already sign out so i can write anything that will dissapear when u online

type here: aku suka saat2 kita berkelahi,actually i missed that moment.it feels alive and real.bukan berarti pengen berkelahi lho ya..just dont hesitate being the real u.

type here: somehow,u never left my mind.

type here: have a peaceful day ....

As much as I definitely enjoy solitude
I wouldn't mind, perhaps
spending little time with you
sometimes, sometimes

Possibly maybe probably love

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

semalam susah tidur trus pas lagi nengok ke bawah, di jalanan ada kucing ..warnanya gold gitu. she's fat and funny. she slept on that road and it seemed comfort. deuhhhh..bukan berarti pengen jadi kucing lah yaw...hanya kok susah sekali ya kayak dia yang ga mikirin tesis ( atau mungkin mikir??) kekekekeke...ya sutralah..enakan jadi manusia juga, bisa travelling naik pesawat (kucing kan dilarang!) :P

baru ganti layout lagi, nampak glossy ya...rada web 2.0 hahahaha sarapp...kurang widgetnya, males..capek..njritt..lupa kirim buku ke papa..nah lo maaf boz..

ngomongin layout..rasanya peaceful juga liat layout ini..atau hatiku aja yang resah dan gelisah?? mbuh lah...

yang baru pulang dari Israel, souvenirnya mana? hihihihi :x

bored...
capek ihh... tadi ngepak barang tapi ga tahu kapan mo dikirim...males soalnya jejejeje untung ga ada makanan, hanya small stuffs to the family ;)
btw..kok dapat gaji gitu ya? hahahahhaha syukur lah...sering-sering aja dapat uang kaget :P

besok liburan, manstrab lah..pengen shopping kain buat maid of honor ( hayooo siapa yang mo nikahh? ) udah dapet modelnya seh, sama warnanya gitu..kekekekeke ^^

hayahhhhhhhh baru posting lage heiheheihie maaf sodara-sodara agak sibuk akhir-akhir ini, maklum lah pengangguran rotfl :P~~~
selamat idul fitri yah...mohon maaf lahir dan batin ^^

selamat menunaikan ibadah puasaaaaa! kekekeke sebentar lagi lebaran makan makan euy! ;)